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Only Rob Rosenberger can draw parallels between the Vietnam War and national cyber security, making so many valid points you're forced to question both the past and the present. The Dennis Miller of cybersecurity, he's a very funny guy so of course you're tempted to laugh all the way through his articles, but in the end, the punchline isn't funny. This isn't because Rob lacks humor or writing style. It's because the story he tells so humorously is actually quite serious. Rob spares no criticism for the deserving as he brandishes his personal brand of wit, keeping a watchful eye on all that is the antivirus industry. Rosenberger credits himself with having sidelined a few companies guilty of sending his hype-meter into overdrive. In reality, he should probably be credited with keeping an entire industry on its toes.

Why do you choose comedy to deliver your message?
For two reasons. First, to quote Richard Jeni: “Comedians probably have more license to tell the truth than anybody.” The greatest social commentators of our day include Dennis Miller, Richard Pryor, George Carlin, and Bill Hicks. Why? Because comedy lets them tell the truth. They don’t spout boring, dry, stifled observations. Comedy gives me a vital edge — I can tell people the truth when I write about the antivirus industry.

Second, comedy is the only weapon you can use against hysteria. Let’s say five experts sit on a panel. One screams “Al Qaeda is training cyber-terrorists to destroy our air traffic control system with two clicks of a mouse!” The audience will only remember the hysterical guy — unless you use comedy against him. Somebody needs to stand up and say “Ronald Reagan fired the air traffic controllers and even that didn’t bring planes out of the sky. Do you honestly think a cave-dwelling suicide bomber can do better with a laptop and a 56k modem?”

Won’t some people take you less seriously because you use comedy?
Certainly. I quote John Ralston Saul: “In contemporary society, respectability is tied to expertise. Subjects are controlled by those who know how to talk about them properly. These dialects of expertise are both obscure and serious. They require the gravity of the insider. The effect on public debate is to transform any levity into irresponsibility... In this atmosphere comedy is excluded and reduced to base entertainment.”

Some of the experts I’ve mocked will dismiss me as a comedian before they acknowledge me as a social commentator. They’ll say my criticism would reach a much wider audience if I’d just tone down the humor. Bah! I make a far greater impact because I use comedy.

You make fun of yourself, too, don’t you?
Sure! Why shouldn’t readers laugh at my expense? In one column I wrote “a Nobel winner claimed a bunch of reflexive liars who don't know Indonesia from Micronesia would lash out at a second-world nation in the South Pacific right after they finished the evening shift at Taco Bell.” I went on to give my readers an “atomic geography lesson” — where I proved I don’t know the Indian Ocean from the Pacific Ocean. Very embarrassing. I deserve the whippings I give myself and it makes for great comedy. Whenever I don’t get my facts straight, I point out a column I wrote called “basic fact checking.”

Did the September 11 attacks change your comedy?
For awhile, yes. It affected every comedian. I had to file an apology after readers complained about one of my initial attempts at humor. It took a few months to “find my comedic center,” as they say. I don’t want to wear my heart on a sleeve, but I’ll admit I took it very personally when the Pentagon got hit. Very personally. It took me awhile to get over my anger and to get back on track with my comedy.

Rumors surface occasionally alleging you have ties to the CIA. Do you?
I hung around with some friends last year and they got jealous about those CIA rumors. “I want to work for the CIA, too!” So I said “okay, you’re my coworker.” Another friend asked, “can I work for NSA?” So I said “poof, you’re my NSA counterpart.” One of my industry sources called my cell phone, and my friends kept interrupting. “Hey, whoever you are, there’s nobody here but us CIA & NSA spooks!” Then we all went on a “covert operation” to an oriental restaurant. True story, I swear.

Okay, now back to your question. NO! I don’t work for the CIA. Nor the NSA, for that matter. I’m a military reservist, just like a million other guys out there. I wear a uniform one weekend a month and two weeks a year.

But I do believe the CIA reads everything I publish at Vmyths. I have absolute faith in it. Let me explain why.

If you could describe the CIA in three words, it would be “know the truth.” They surround themselves with a bodyguard of lies, but internally they must know the truth. People die if CIA believes the wrong thing. It’s a safe bet that the CIA wants to know the truth about China’s cyber-warfare programs — and Vmyths is the only computer security site willing to expose the fact antivirus firms supply viruses to the Chinese government.

Vmyths exposes a lot of things the antivirus industry doesn’t want anyone to know. “Truth” is the first word in our website slogan, and the CIA needs to know the truth. So I have absolute faith that the CIA reads everything we publish at Vmyths.

I picked up a few “CIA” and “NSA” shirts during a visit to D.C. You can find them at gift shops if you know where to look. I could tell you where to buy those shirts … but then I’d have to kill you.

What antivirus software do you use?
My overlords at the parent company pay MessageLabs to scan every email for viruses before it enters/leaves their network. I personally recommended MessageLabs to them. I should note MessageLabs treats the Vmyths domain separately from our parent company, but they do it as a courtesy for me. I’ve thought about switching to McAfee’s mail-scanning service just to show no quid pro quo relationship exists between us & MessageLabs.

I prefer Trend Micro’s web-based “HouseCall” product for a free on-demand PC scan.

So, what do I use for a traditional antivirus product? The answer is, “I don’t.” My current experiment seeks to prove you don’t need today’s popular antivirus products in a corporate environment. I built an enterprise-class network (complete with a server room) in my new home and I populated it with a small enterprise-class network just to support the needs of my experiment. Right now I run five servers plus a half-dozen laptops & desktops, spanning two physical sites linked by a dedicated T1 line. I’ve probably sunk $15,000 into this experiment and I’m still only in Phase II at this point.

The entire enterprise network remains free of viruses and antivirus software to this day. Boy, wouldn’t the CIA like to know how I accomplished that! :-)