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HOW, WHY AND WHEN TO DESTROY THE UNITED STATES

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Al-Jazeera: Are these atomic bombs powerful ones?

Al-Asuquf: The five Russian devices are from the old T-3 missiles, also known as RD-107s, and their potency is something around 100 kilotons each, that is, 5 times as powerful as the Hiroshima bomb. The Pakistani bombs are less powerful, somewhere around 10 kilotons.

Al-Jazeera: Can't the bombs be detected and disarmed by American authorities?

Al-Asuquf: No, in spite of their age they've undergone modernization and are well hidden. Even if they were found, they have autodetonation provisions should anything get close to them. Even electromagnetic pulses would be incapable of deactivating them.

Al-Jazeera: Don't they emit radiation? Can't they be detected?

Al-Asuquf: No. They are wrapped in thick leaden cases.

Al-Jazeera: A suspected Pakistani ship was recently searched and all that was found were lead bars. Does this have anything to do with the bombs?

Al-Asuquf: Yes, however that lead was just an extra layer, and was not essentially necessary.

Al-Jazeera: How will the bombs be detonated?

Al-Asuquf: There are numerous methods, a cell-phone call, radio frequency, seismic shocks or by timer.

Al-Jazeera: Once detonated, how many deaths will be caused by these bombs?

Al-Asuquf: It depends, since our plans are very malleable.

Al-Jazeera: So what is the entire plan?

Al-Asuquf: The beginning will be the detonation of a nuclear device, which will cause the death of between 800 thousand and one million people and create chaos on a scale never seen before. During this chaos, two or three cropsprayers that are now dismantled and stored in granaries [silos?] close to little-used highways in the countryside will take off on suicide missions to spray two or three large American cities with smallpox. That means that once the smallpox has been identified, all airports and seaports will be closed by quarantine. Land borders will likewise be shut down. Not one airplane, ship or vehicle will enter or leave the United States. This will cause total chaos. White House Press secretary Ari Fleischman will be very busy.